Saturday, March 31, 2007

You Can Run With Scissors....

I had lunch this week with my dearest friend, the kooky hypnotherapist, and my newest crush, the sexy acupuncturist. The hypnotherapist was telling us that she had found herself using the phrase “ you can run with scissors if you like” to someone who was finding it hard to let go of his introjected parental controls. There followed a funny and revealing discussion between the three of us about the strange things that we could do, now that we are grown-up.

Here is our list:

  • I can draw on the rubber sole of my slippers with a biro (You won’t understand until you have tried it….)
  • I can eat Flying Saucers until I feel sick (Actually this applies to eating anything at all, but Flying Saucers is my personal thing.)
  • I can stick pins in my fingers (The sexy acupuncturist…..who hadn’t seen the connection until we pointed it out to him, proffered this. And then he was freaked out that he was acting out his childhood peccadilloes by sticking pins in other people. Spooky.)
  • I can wrap an elastic band tight around my wrist and leave it there all day if I choose (This turned out to be a female thing. Kooky hypnotherapist and I were getting very excited that we had both been chastised for this as children, but sexy acupuncturist wasn’t getting it at all.)
  • I can wrap an elastic band tight around my finger and watch the end of my finger go white (Variation on the above theme, but higher up the risk tariff.)
  • I can eat pudding first, and then see if I have room for my main course (All three of us.)
  • I can stand at the top of a tall stairwell and spit right down to the bottom, even if there is someone using the stairs (Sexy acupuncturist, shamelessly encouraged by kooky hypnotherapist. I disagreed, by the way.)
  • I can ride my bike down stairs (My personal favourite, and I even do it in front of the children. I have even watched my son do it and then fall off. I am a bad, bad mother.)
  • I can sew through the ends of my fingers (Again, a female thing. Notice the self harm motif emerging?)
  • I can wear pyjamas all day
  • I can watch ITV (this from another friend, who spent her childhood watching 'Blue Peter' whilst the rest of us watched 'Magpie', which was so much racier.)

Any more from you, dear readers?


Stray said...

Yes yes!

I am currently daily hearing the echoes of the running with scissors as I whizz round the house on my heelys. Can I heely with a mug of hot tea? With a glass in my hand? With scissors?

As a grown up I can jump down the last 2 or 3 stairs if I want. I can leave things on the floor to trip over. I can carry all sorts of long pointy things without fearing that someone's eye will be removed.

I can also go out with wet hair. And thus far I have not caught pneumonia. Or wear a jacket indoors.

And yes, I completely understand about the biro on the slippers. Wonderful.


Stray said...

.... and I can play with matches.


Ms Melancholy said...

Hey Stray, I am loving your list. Especially going out with wet hair and jumping down stairs. Do be careful with your heelys and pointy things, though, won't you?!

Stray said...

Ms M, careful and Heelys don't really go together. But yes, I will be selective - I don't want to kebab myself!

I'm touched that you care ...


Paul said...

I can ruin a piece of new or expensive clothing, by wearing it whilst undertaking some activity totally inappropriate to stylish attire - A man thing?

Ms Melancholy said...

Spoiling your Sunday best - nice one paul. No, I don't think that's a man thing. I have a number of 'good clothes' with a bleach mark across the middle where I have leaned over a newly cleaned work surface.

trousers said...

I can go out in the rain without wearing a sensible mac (similar applies to getting muddy whilst walking in non-sensible shoes).

I don't have to tell anyone what's wrong with me!
(as in, picture your mum saying "And what's wrong with you, you've got a face like a wet weekend" etc)

I can sit too close to the fire.

I can have a bar of chocolate half an hour before my dinner.

I could probably go on and on (that's not one, its a reference to this topic - no doubt I'll post more later).

nmj said...

Ah, Ms M, biro on the soles of slippers, what a thrill that used to be, I think I will go and write on my soles this very minute! I still wouldn't run with scissors though, I'd be sure to fall and stab myself.

I can get up from family dinners without saying 'please may I leave the table?' (My mum was big on table manners.)

Ms Melancholy said...

Hi there trousers, yes, sitting too close to the fire resonates with me. I even do that now and again. And going out without a raincoat on. Or a vest in winter. Or tights under my knee socks, under my school skirt. (In those days girls weren't allowed to wear trousers. Can you imagine that?!)

Hi lovely nmj, the slipper/biro combo is fab isn't it? I used to draw on mine for ever, and could never understand why I would get told off for it. Why does it matter if I have pictures on the soles of my feet? As for the table manners, I'm afraid I'm with your mum here and we inflict the same on our children. But you absolutely can now that you are grown up, and no-one will tell you off for it unless they are spectacularly rude.


brumcunian said...

I can frown without worrying that 'my face will stick like that'

I san say sorry or what or both together without being told that the correct word is 'pardon'

I can spend my money on whatever I want without having to justify my pocket money being spent on the beano, a curly worly, and a rented vhs.

I can choose my own bed time.

I can talk to strangers who can often become good friends over time.

I can choose to not eat meat without being force fed the Sunday Roast.

I can shower before going to bed rather than being dragged up 30 minutes earlier than necessary to shower on waking.

I can eat left over take away for breakfast.

I can get tattoos and piercings (although my parents still frown a bit about this).

I can bring someone home without having to conduct a secret military operation involving head board removal and restricted movement for sound minimisation.

I can call a beer 'lunch'

I can leave a pile of washing for days and not have to worry about it until I start running out of clean clothes.

I can use superglue without being supervised.

I can use a hammer without being told to mind my fingers.

I can (but rarely do) use a gas stove.

I can colour my hair.

I can use my maladaptive coping mechanisms without my parents giving me a head to toe 'skin inspection' the next day.

I can sit online all day without being told 'I'm throwing my life away'

I can wear a sarong in the summer in my back garden.

I can sit up until 7am having a dvd marathon.

I can paint and decorate and 'be careful not to make a mess' all by myself without having to be told.

Stray said...

Lol. Superglue without being supervised! Excellent.

I definitely am a big fan of talking to strangers. Sometimes they are the best people to talk to.

Oooh - I have one! I can make my very own informed choice about whether my shoes need to be removed before I walk into the house.

I need to get this right Ms M, in fear of being sent to the naughty stair ;) If I come to your house for scones and tea (with Badger and Caroline) do I have to wait to be excused from the table?


Cheryl said...

brumcunian - such a list - I was nodding along in enthusiastic recognition (and scowling along too for being beaten to so many punchlines)

I can:

*play with mud (I don't)
*peep out through the letter box without getting the wind in my eyes and going blind (ditto)
*eat paper without getting worms (still don't)
*leave lumpy mash without having to smuggle it out to the kitchen past my dad
*'turn my nose up' (quote) at whatever else
*leave the table when I please
*eat on the sofa
*watch soaps
*listen to radio stations other than radio 4 (honestly)
*leave doors open without being told I was born in a barn
*walk with my hands in my pockets
*scuff my heels
*lose things all the time without being told I'd also lose my head if it wasn't screwed on
* (the one on the list that probably needs the most counselling): wander off from things, to do something else, without being instantly scolded that I 'never finish anything'.

I find I am now puzzling over whether its true, that I prefer to be flighty/lazy/amazingly creative/an individual prioritiser/[descriptor of choice], or whether I spend my adult life never finishing anything 'on principle', just to be defiant to my inner scold.


Cheryl said...

Oh, and

I can cut my dolls' hair to any style I like and dye it and give them makeup with biro and felt tips and I can make them outfits by cutting up all the best teatowels and I can give them nail varnish even if it rots the tips of their fingers off.

Damn, I wonder if my daughter would miss a few....


Ms Melancholy said...

I am loving this!

Hi there brumcunian, fab list. So many I share, but I particularly like the left over take away for breakfast. Cold curry is wonderful.

Hi Stray I absolutely do not have a naughty stair in my house, so there is no danger of that x

Hi again Cheryl, I am with you on so many, but especially on defacing the dolls. Can I come and play? x

Badger said...

I have a horrible fear of the Eastenders theme tune. Because that was "Bedtime"... funny, because now if I hear it I get all sad,... and then I smile because I remember there is no bedtime anymore!!

So my point being, I can go to bed whenever I like.

Caroline said...

Fab post. Being a grown up rather good fun. Sometimes.

Atyllah said...

I can stay up all night.
I can stay in bed all day.
I can slide down the bannisters.
Most importantly, I can not like people that I really don't like.

Stray said...

I can skateboard in the house.


Badger said...

I can make noises and twitch without being told to "stop being so stupid".

Katy said...

How about drawing on jeans? It washes off... generally... and is more artistic anyway. I wanted to show you this, after reading the post about your son and the shipping forecast - I wrote a long reply, but apparently blogger was being a bugger and wouldn't let me post it. Anyhow, as a teenager who is not at all inclined towards the idea of having kids, I still love the above poem. Especially the part about thinking... overthinking can be the worst thing ever.

tea and cake said...

hi there, I've just realised I can;

bite my nails;
sit on the floor instead of the chair;
stomp down the stairs;
write what I want in my diary;
look through a glass of squash while walking up the stairs;
but, I agree, the best is talking to strangers, though I wouldn't go help look for a lost puppy with anyone! kaz xx

Badger said...

I can drink Coca-Cola at 11pm before bed. Woo Hoo. I can and I am. :)

Janejill said...

I have read all the comments and have just realised I have married my mother......

Janejill said...

But, whilst he is away I can -
Read in bed all night long, chewing gum if I am on a diet.
Stay for hours on the internet
Flirt (a wee bit)
Stay in the cafe as long as I wish
Stay in the shops as long a I wish NOT go for walks in the country
NOT go for cycles in the country

This is only the beginning...

rivergirlie said...

cold pizza for breakfast - mmmm
buy foolish shoes
sharpen pencils just so i can smell the wood

Ms Melancholy said...

Hi there Badger!, yes, no bed-time is perfect. And that is precisely why I have bags under my eyes. xxx

Hi lovely Caroline, yes fun sometimes. Just not all the time ;-) xxx

Hi there Atyllah, thought you had gone away for a wee while? I like your thinking. I can not like people that I don't like, without feeling like it must be my fault that I don't like them. Perfect. xxx

Stray, no you can't. Oh ok, yes you can xxx

Hi again Badger, you make noises and twitch my love. And drink coca-cola. You will twitch all night on that stuff! xxx

Hi there Katy, glad blogger let you through this time. And I am totally with you on the drawing on jeans. My mother used to go mental when I did that. But I still did it. Thanks for the poem - will check it out xxx

Hi there tea and cake, yes, stomp down the stairs. Although my son tells me off for that one. That's a bit of a bugger, when your kids start telling you how to behave. xxx

Ooh, JJ, hope we have not started a crisis for you here! But yes, staying on the internet all night is something I do mostly when hubby is not around. Although I do it when he is around too, and just face the consequences.... xxx

Hi there rivergirlie buy foolish shoes! I have only just discovered the pleasure of buying foolish shoes, at the ripe old age of 40. That one took me a particularly long time, clearly xxx

trousers said...

Here's my big one - even though I've been able to do this legally for more than half my life:

I still get a thrill of being able to walk into a bar and order an alcoholic drink for myself. Never gotten over the novelty. I could do running with scissors for a while - metaphorically or literally - but going out for a drink, legally, is still IT for me.

Fraid so.

The Moon Topples said...

Ms. M: My list is made up of some of the things that all the quick folk who got here first said, except contains far fewer references to British popular culture.

Mainly, though, most of the year I sleep during the day and work at home during the night. Whether I am wearing pajamas or not is entirely up to me.

Paul said...

I can no longer believe that the summer will last forever; and that a year reaches out to the borders of infinity.
I can no longer behave as though I was immortal, and that nothing can possibly hurt me.
I no longer believe in Father Xmas, miracles, or magic, but still feel the the yearning that their passing has left.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hi trousers, good for you! Remember when you were 16, and had to remember your date of birth minus 2 years, and would get it wrong in the heat of the moment? Happened too many times to count. They would still serve us anyway.

Hi lovely Moon, strangely sad, that. But I too can share that feeling of turning the world upside down when I get the opportunity. I spent a large portion of my teenage years doing just that, skipping school and staying up all night with friends who had their own cottage on the moors. It's a minor miracle that I got any A levels at all. I still do it when the kids are away and I love the feeling of being up when everyone else is sleeping.

Hi again Paul. Thankyou. Beautiful comment. Touching.

swimmer6foot4 said...

I love this list and so many of the things already identified. I too hitched up with my parental authority figure - hence I have to try extra hard to resist his nagging for me to behave.

I was:

never allowed comics as a child ("we think it's a waste of money and common") so I now love buying frivolous publications spontaneously;

never allowed strange foods ("we don't know where it came from") and now I love buying unusual fruits and vegetables in the market and researching how to cook them;

never allowed to talk about politics or religion ("we consider it's rude") yet I now love the passion it evokes in people in conversation, me included sometimes.

Best of all ...

Gay Pride 2006, sweltering hot day, feet swollen like grapefruit, I paddled in the chilly fountains at Trafalgar Square - for hours and hours and hours. It was not sensible and it was ... sublime!

swimmer6foot4 said...

I guess if we keep to the items on these lists in your blog Ms M - If I had my life over I'd pick more daises won't leave us feeling as if we missed out too much.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hey, thanks Swimmer. Great list indeed. I especially appreciate the links that you always attach to your comments. They are always a treat. You do realise I have come to expect them now, don't you? xxx

brumcunian said...

Ooh just thought of one that may not be to everyones taste but it's great as far as I'm concerned. I can choose to not make a big deal of Christmas and instead opt for triple pay shifts at work before returning home to open a festive four pack of Carlsberg. I don't put a tree up and nobody cares. Woohoo!

Anonymous said...

I can slide down the stairs on my backside.

I can take second helpings and not feel guilty.

I can go out dressed like this.

I can wear jeans and vests without having ironed them first.

I can light candles in my room without setting the house ablaze.

I can live without ever setting foot in a church again.

Man, that felt good :-)

enidd said...

enidd can

- eat meals when she feels like it, not at set times

- let her hair grow long, even though she's too old and it's going grey

- buy something she fancies, even if she doesn't *need* it

- overeat

- let the house get in a right old mess

- go out with wet hair

- pad around the house in bare feet

- lie on the floor

- read in silence and not be sociable

- colour my hair

- watch itv AND the adverts

- swear

- choose the most expensive ice-cream

Ms Melancholy said...

Hi Brumcunian, so many ideas....does this give us clues as to how strict your parents were?! I used to be with you on the christmas thing - getting triple pay to avoid a family get-together? No brainer, really. However, since having my own child Christmas has taken on a whole new meaning. Yes, it can actually be fun...!

Good for you China Blue, glad to be of assistance!

Hi there Enidd, you can, you can, you can! Especially the ice cream bit...

Ms Melancholy said...

Hey, China Blue, just in case you pop back....just tried to comment on your blog and I can't! Bloody great post, though!

brumcunian said...

ms melancholy...

as a gay man I doubt I'll ever recapture the spirit of Christmas with a kid of my own. Although with my first ever niece on the way in May/June I may yet be a big kid at heart. As for my parents... they weren't really overbearing. But they definately had their set little outlook of how me my bro and sis (their "mini me's") should act and as the black sheep of the family it is my duty to rebel.

yellowduck said...

I can have rules now.

I hated my childhood. I was always right.

You have no idea how much an anti-authoritarian upbringing can suck.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hi again Brum, well, every family needs at least one rebel and so I guess it may as well be you for yours...x

Hey Ducky, I found your comment very touching. Always being right is an enormous responsibility for a little child. Big hugs xxx

b said...

Ooooh, does that mean I can walk around while I'm brushing my teeth? Hurrah!

Boris said...

Can I add my list?

I can eat fruit without washing it first.

I can pick my nose.

I can inhale a helium balloon and then ring the bank for a balance.

I can eat with my mouth open (I don't)

I can clean my ears and cut my toe nails in the lounge.

I can shout "wankers" at the news.

I can squirt water outside of the bathroom (in VERY small quantities)

I can stick my finger in the sugar.

I can eat stuff which is bad for me if I choose (sometimes!)

If I wanted to I could have cig (but definitely NOT in front of my mum!).

Great stuff!

Beat laugh for ages.


Ms Melancholy said...

Hi b, yes, you certainly can.

Hi Boris, does that mean you can pick your nose and eat it with your mouth open? Yuck. But you can still do it if you wish x

bindi said...

A great topic, I often find myself doing something that I don't let the kids do and hoping they won't walk in to find me... nicking a mint slice while I'm cooking a healthy meal for them, and told them to wait for dinner.

Ms Melancholy said...

Ah, yes Bindi. Doing things you shouldn't do in front of the kids is another post altogether! I fell off my bike in front of the kids recently because I was riding with no hands and came a cropper. My son told me off, and told me not to do it again. They love those opportunities, don't they?

PurpleSparkleBright said...

I can stay out all night, and not catch my death of chill. When I put on chunky rings, no, I will not "have someone's eye out with that" they will merely be chunky rings. I can go out to the pub in clothes that do not go right up to my neck, and not get unwanted attention. I can go out to the pub full stop! I can customise a brand new tshirt by ripping it, and look cool, not like an "urchin".
I quite like being older actually

PurpleSparkleBright said...

I have identified with SO many things on these lists! specially the superglue and the helium. And Cheryl's list... is she my long lost sister? What a giggle.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hey Purple, I love the ring one! I used to get that too! (And I have never taken anyone's eye out, and I still love my chunky rings.)

bindi said...

Sorry, I'll stick with the genre: I can gobble up a mint slice, even though its just on dinner time.

(AND I have the power to forbid anyone else to do same).

... hope you bounced back after your cropper. I think its easier to do the hands free when you're a kid (lower center of gravity). Note to self (for you): don't expect to be able to do stuff as well as you could when you were twelve. I fell off a razor scooter whilst chatting to a neighbor & scooting concentric circles (took one of the circles too sharply). So I do sympathize.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hi again Bindi, glad I'm not the only one who still thinks that I am 12. It always did seem easier riding no hands when I was younger, and the centre of gravity thing would explain why. I think you may have come up with a new post here though...'things I wish I could still do...'

bindi said...

.. or things I still do but should know better because I pay for it later.

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