Tuesday, January 09, 2007

How Our Heroes Let Us Down...

I was having quite a good day today, having finally reconciled myself to being wrenched from the bosom of my sofa and thrust back into the world of work. And then the secretary at work took me quietly into her office to show me this. Now you know that I know that disillusionment is an integral part of the human experience, and that we eventually have to abandon our idealised objects in order to accept this imperfect world. But does it have to be so painful?


Caroline said...

I love him even more.
This is good news.
Eurovision rocks lots.
I think that I was a gay man in a former life.

Ms Melancholy said...

Caroline, my dear friend - I know your words are sent to soothe me but I will have to sit awhile with my disillusionment before I can even contemplate the horror that is Morrissey on eurovision. It is rather like putting a pile of mushy peas on a lovely plate of chocolate fudge cake and cream.... and I loathe mushy peas x

The Moon Topples said...

Idiot American here (and Smiths fan) wondering what's so bad about Eurovision. Granted, i don't know what it is, but if it might raise Morrissey's profile a bit, isn't that a good thing?

Caroline said...

I was trying to be kind.
Ok. Try and think of M on a plate with chocolate fudge cake and cream. Does that help?

Ms Melancholy said...

Dear Caroline, thank you for being kind - I do know you were trying to make it tolerable for me and I appreciate that. The thought of M and a plate of fudge cake and cream brought up an entirely different association which I shan't go into, but thank you so much!

Mr Moon (what a lovely name, by the way.) I will give you my version of The Eurovision Song Contest, hopefully Caroline will pop back and give hers and between us you may somehow elicit the truth... Eurovision is a Europe wide contest where each country selects a talentless numpty to represent them with a cheesy and immediately forgotten piece of Euro-pop (think a talentless Britney - yes that bad.) Each country votes for their favourite and then Eire wins. It has a certain camp charm and is almost enjoyable if you consume a huge volume of alcohol and leave your taste and intellect somewhere safe for the evening. But it is not where you want to see your favourite cultural icon.

Lovely Caroline - I know you can't resist a challenge and I look forward to your response....x


Hello Ms Melancholy. Is the challenge to explain the Eurovision Song Contest to Mr Moon open to all-comers?

Sorry, incidentally, for not getting round to answering your question on my blog but, as I mentioned before, my mother has been staying and so we have been forced into the role of entertainers. Anyway, she's off tomorrow (this morning, in fact) and just as soon as I've scrubbed off the self-loathing that seems to be clinging to me like a cloak of glue - I'll get round to it.

I really loved your last, serious post, by the way. A bit too close to the bone for me to feel comfortable commenting on - but a properly interesting piece of writing nevertheless. Hope your skies have brightened since.

Kind regards etc

Tough luck about Morrissey, incidentally. What a complete goose.

The Moon Topples said...

So...if every other country puts up a talentless numpty (and that's assuming "numpty" is a word), and England puts up Morrissey, then England should win, right?

I hope Caroline and PE take a stab at explaining. I'm starting to think you have some sort of bias.

nmj said...

I didn't know that already famous people could be on Eurovision . . . I really wondered if it was April 1st when I read that link.

Ms Melancholy said...

Mr PE - challenge open to all-comers.... mmmm, mother stuff..don't get me started.

Mr Moon -

'So...if every other country puts up a talentless numpty (and that's assuming "numpty" is a word), and England puts up Morrissey, then England should win, right?'

Aah, therein lies the rub, Mr Moon. Logic would suggest so, wouldn't it? But there are a number of other factors to consider. Firstly, the best song never wins - the catchiest sing-a-long chorus wins; secondly, the people who watch such pap have notoriously juvenile taste in music and Morrissey's bleak sophistication would be misconstrued as 'miserable'; thirdly, the UK never wins as the rest of Europe hate us due to our inability to make foreign policy decisions independent of Bush; fourthly, the UK never wins because the UK never wins.

I hope this clarifies things for you? You cleverly spotted my bias - Mr Moon, so I hope for your sake Caroline comes back.

PS 'numpty' is an idiot. It's a real word and it's clean so suitable for all the family. Nice of you to drop by again, our American friend x

NMJ - I don't think already famous musicians are barred, but they suspect it rings the death knoll on their career. Does Morrissey not know this? How can I warn him?

That's so pants said...

You don't suppose the fact that Morrissey doesn't write 'tunes' as such might hinder somewhat the ability of a third party to decide what notes to sing? Just a thought. I suppose he could always tell them to wave their arms about and assume no one will notice that small detail as it's always worked before. Or he could sing the song himself - that would be fun.


Ms Pants raises an interesting and dramatic point. Answer it, psychotherapist. How can a man who doesn't write tunes suddenly be expected to write, you know, a tune? And how can anyone possibly be expected to interpret the meaning of Morrissey, 47, former brooding front man of The Smiths and vegetarian?

Well done, Pants. I like your style and I like your question. Which is why I stole it, I suppose, and made it that little bit longer.

Caroline said...

Ms M - you know me so well. I'm here! I'm here! Shattered from braving the weather and London. But I'm here.

I love Eurovision. Eurovision is when happy people all go to a happy place and sing happy jumpy jingly songs. It is a singing in foreign tongues contest where men are sparkly and women twirl in twinkling dresses. It is also about the only contest that Malta ever has a chance of winning. My mother is Maltese and as I child I would sit with my grandmother and pick my top 5 entries. Malta always as number 1. I used both my taste and my intellect, but I fear that I don't have much of either. Eurovision rocks. Lots. It is often liked and supported by gay men. And I always seem to fall in love with gay men ... I am distracted. ANYWAY. Ms M is being a grump. And although the lexical creation 'talentless numpty' is mighty fine, I fear that it is not at all accurate when connected to Eurovision. I repeat. Eurovision rocks my pink fluffy socks!

However. Bugger! Bugger! Curse that thing called memory. My husband has just reminded me that last year I vowed never to watch it again. You see,like everything in our delightful world, political influences have corrupted voting. AND MALTA NEVER EVER EVER WINS.

Hope this helps Mr Moon.


Mr Moon - the truth lies somewhere between what Caroline has just said and a life-sapping spectacle of unremittingly dreadful camp. And not the good kind of unremittingly dreadful camp. What is certain is that no serious musician should enter this contest. Ever. If you care for Morrissey, you will advise him to desist. So will you, Ms Melancholy.

Start a petition.


Ms Melancholy said...

Ok, folks *rolls up sleeves* here goes:

Ms P: Morrissey writes fabulous tunes, so there! (Sorry, Mr PE - therapied out right at this moment so that's about as analytical as I can muster.) However, I do like your style too, Ms P, as you sound about as grumpy as I am. For some reason I am drawn to grumpiness.

Caroline: If I were to watch Eurovision I think I would choose to watch it with you as you clearly have an incredible capacity to enjoy yourself. I may enjoy being grumpy but,oddly, I quite enjoy watching other people being happy. However, seeing as how you have vowed not to watch it this year that is clearly not an option. For your sake, however, I hope that Malta win.

Mr PE - You are right - this is not a place for serious musicians. I wonder what A Flock of Seagulls are up to - perhaps they would feel up to the task? (Hee hee)


Oh for God's sake, I'd completely forgotten about admitting that to you previously. A crushing rejoinder, Melancholic, and I know when I'm beaten. Bye.

(packs his hair and flounces off, dignity shredded)

Ms Melancholy said...

I'm so sorry Mr PE to use your words against you. But my job is to remember things that people say to me.... Please don't hold it against me (although I am now feeling just slightly smug!)

Caroline said...

A eurovision party ... with food from every country ... with little flags. I wonder if it could tie in with my booklaunch. Oh how great would that be! Literary fiction and lardy dahness meets me and Eurovision. I am one classy lass.
Ms M I am sure that you and me and Singstar and Eurovision and even grumypants TPE could have Eurovision fun together.

Feel the Eurovision love love love.

Ms Melancholy said...

I'm in...

JustJude said...

I always arrive too late when anything interesting is going on.

But - NO!!! It isn't right. It cannot be. When I was 18 Morrisey was cool and alternative and Eurovision was tripe hosted by Terry Wogan.

I was under the impression little had changed.

It makes me feel so horribly OLD!!!!!

Ms Melancholy said...

Never too late, Jude, always welcome...x

Caroline said...

Jude is lying.
She loves Eurovision ... I have email proof ... or perhaps she was humouring me! Hmm ...

Atyllah said...

Will it launch him into Abba stardom... *shudder*
I tell you what, Ms M, how about he gets up there and sings in and about a chocolate fudge cake - would that make it any better.
Hmm, no, I suppose not.
Sorry, Eurovision remains entirely lost on me - and not because I don't know what it is!
I send you my deepest sympathy.

Ms Melancholy said...

Atyllah - you should think yourself one lucky chicken.

The Moon Topples said...

Hokey smokes, folks!

It sounds like he doesn't even perform the song. Just writes something. I'm assuming some sort of theme?

I think Morrissey does write tunes. Some of his songs have a very childlike, almost playful sing-songyness to them which I always liked because they contrasted so well with the subject matter.

I suddenly feel so American. Ms M told me I'd stirred you al up with what I thought was an innocent question, and then I bailed before anyone delivered their results. So very sorry.

If I'm understanding this correctly, it'd be like Robert Smith suddenly announcing that he was going to get into writing advertising jingles. Cure fans would weep and rend their garments, but maybe Coke or somebody would have a genuinely interesting song playing during their adverts.

Or maybe it's more like [insert famous chef] expressing intent to enter a local bake-off.

If I don't understand it, it's certainly not for your collective lack of effort. Some beautiful writing was thrown down in these comments. If this goes on for a couple more days, maybe we can publish a series of essays on the subject.

I suppose that even if he enters and represents England, I'm leaning toward Malta at the moment. Caroline seems so crushed that they never win.

Ms Melancholy said...

Mr Moon, a nice Robert Smith analogy. You may feel so American, but you sure have good taste in music. (That was me being English and patronising, by the way. We just can't help ourselves.) Thanks for dropping by x

Dave said...

It is my contention that we have never had anyone good since the mighty Bucks Fizz and hit a low with that horrible Daz Sampson(?) thing last year. Morrissey DOES do throwaway pop very well ( You're the one for me, fatty, First of the gang to die) so I don't think it's that bad a thing. And as for Robert Smith - Friday I'm in Love is about as Eurovision as it gets.

Ms Melancholy said...

Hello Mr Dave, very nice of you to drop by. I shall overlook your provocative comments about Morrissey, given that it is your first visit to my blog. You weren't to know that I have a slight obsession, if such a thing is possible? I agree with you, by the way, about Friday - a truly dreadful song and possibly even worthy of Eurovision.

Hope to see you again x