tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post1111277336786835257..comments2024-01-26T08:16:10.223+00:00Comments on Confessions of a Psychotherapist: On Meeting Our Children's Needs...Ms Melancholyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-73414282953833993412007-03-20T16:32:00.000+00:002007-03-20T16:32:00.000+00:00I have just read "The Nanny Diaries" which shows a...I have just read "The Nanny Diaries" which shows another type of parenting but is v v funny, as well as very moving. (By the way, I still miss the family in "A Suitable Boy" and I read it a few months ago) A very long time ago, I studied Psychology (for a wee while, as is my style) and I remembered reading that, when your baby cries,you should not go to it immediately as then s/he will not Janejillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11364478597973105943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-11219548739365362912007-03-07T08:14:00.000+00:002007-03-07T08:14:00.000+00:00oooh - don't get me started on yummy mummies - the...oooh - don't get me started on yummy mummies - the acceptable, submissive, non-challenging face (or belly) of motherhood!mad muthashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00320873044454083098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-33893763193639110242007-03-06T20:25:00.000+00:002007-03-06T20:25:00.000+00:00Hi HelenI feel as if I spend every day battling wi...Hi Helen<BR/><BR/><I>I feel as if I spend every day battling with a miniature Kim Jong Il.</I> Well, that's probably not a bad description of life with a toddler! Sounds like you have it pretty nailed, though. And I agree with you about the 'stimulation' issue - apparently we should be structuring their every waking moment with stimulating and educational activities. Let them play, I say.<BR/><BRMs Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-10500284136947442922007-03-06T13:11:00.000+00:002007-03-06T13:11:00.000+00:00You said questions were OK, so:importantly, that w...You said questions were OK, so:<BR/><BR/><I>importantly, that we enable them to regulate their internal, emotional experience when we fail to meet their ego-needs.</I><BR/><BR/>1)how do parents enable children to regulate the experience of not getting their needs met ?<BR/><BR/>2) what happens if the parents fail to teach the child how to regulate their internal experience ?<BR/><BR/><I>If our Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-77314701999181111172007-03-06T11:22:00.000+00:002007-03-06T11:22:00.000+00:00Interesting. As far as parenting goes, approach wi...Interesting. As far as parenting goes, approach with caution - theories are only theories. <BR/><BR/>(Not that I discourage any discussion on their merits or relevance to our lives. Its all thought provoking. Thanks).<BR/><BR/>Parents don't have total control over who or how their children are and be.<BR/><BR/>A little thought on too-good parents being to blame for a generation of narcissistic Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-82450446218699645172007-03-06T09:58:00.000+00:002007-03-06T09:58:00.000+00:00And in all this parenting business, I'm surprised ...And in all this parenting business, I'm surprised noone has mentioned step parenting and the interesting range of challenges that can have. <BR/><BR/>I am the step mum of a young man (no challenges there, he is just a delight to have in the family) and a 15 yr old teenager (challenges galore). Teenager, fortunately has a good mum and dad to do all the usual stuff ( eg discipline and both are at aaustinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11907667422767426316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-23024775415141772542007-03-06T02:50:00.000+00:002007-03-06T02:50:00.000+00:00Yes, I seem to have brought a tiny tyrant into the...Yes, I seem to have brought a tiny tyrant into the world, and yes, I am constantly obsessing that I am a crappy sort of mother. My biggest guilt-trip at the moment is that I "don't provide him with enough stimulation", which I know is rubbish because he finds his own amusement and gets annoyed if I interfere. But with issues such as him shrieking for cakes/biscuits/toys or not wanting to go Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-34936571181396057942007-03-05T19:40:00.000+00:002007-03-05T19:40:00.000+00:00Hi Apprentice - thanks for dropping by. It's alway...Hi Apprentice - thanks for dropping by. It's always good to welcome new visitors. I'm not looking forward to the teenage years, I must admit. I know what I was like, you see...<BR/><BR/>Hi Sam - what a fabulous name you have! You're welcome, you're welcome!<BR/><BR/>Hi MM - yeah, phew indeed. No more yummy-mummy, at last.<BR/><BR/>Hi Signs - I guess we all have our own achilles heel, based on ourMs Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-26095166313378714982007-03-05T15:51:00.000+00:002007-03-05T15:51:00.000+00:00Excellent post Ms M. The things that struck me as ...Excellent post Ms M. The things that struck me as I read where this - balance and unconditional love. And you are so right about the reality of the world. Parents screw up, the world screws up. Nothing is perfect. Hence the need for balance to which your post refers. Neither too much, nor too little - but unconditional love with it all.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04871239587214383387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-28147221141811530562007-03-05T14:55:00.000+00:002007-03-05T14:55:00.000+00:00Just wanted to stop by to tell you that Battle of ...Just wanted to stop by to tell you that Battle of the Blogs: <A HREF="http://dsmoya31410.blogspot.com/2007/03/battle-of-blogs-round-2.html" REL="nofollow">Round 2</A> has started, and your blog is one of the ones still in the competition.<BR/><BR/>Leesa (http://dsmoya31410.blogspot.com)Leesahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09552562808209927463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-53867157647927117172007-03-05T14:43:00.000+00:002007-03-05T14:43:00.000+00:00Nice post (as usual). Thought provoking.I have co...Nice post (as usual). Thought provoking.<BR/><BR/>I have come accross the idea of "good enough" parenting before and I do adhere to it as much as I can.<BR/><BR/>I think the best we can do for our kids is teaching them to deal with disappointments - the world is full of them and they need to know this as they grow-up.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand they also have to have sufficent self esteem to Borishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06864565071127256759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-52869812113658321452007-03-05T12:28:00.000+00:002007-03-05T12:28:00.000+00:00Well in my young day, the not-so-affluent bohemian...Well in my young day, the not-so-affluent bohemian middle classes used to leave them with au pairs to be fucked up. I, in consequence, was an over-protective parent. I love the idea of 'good enough parenting' and one of the best bits of advice for parents I ever read (but can't remember who said it) was that giving your children fish and chips three nights in a row does not make you a bad one.Reading the Signshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06338983880105866139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-6713344595213090802007-03-05T10:58:00.000+00:002007-03-05T10:58:00.000+00:00phew! and double phew!!!phew! and double phew!!!mad muthashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00320873044454083098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-21702365182715759452007-03-05T07:55:00.000+00:002007-03-05T07:55:00.000+00:00This is a great post, thank you.Thank you, thank y...This is a great post, thank you.<BR/><BR/>Thank you, thank you.Sam, Problem-Child-Bridehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06650421439038979462noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-2084514898292806792007-03-04T23:52:00.000+00:002007-03-04T23:52:00.000+00:00Ah I'm so relieved to read about things going pear...Ah I'm so relieved to read about things going pear-shaped over the pond. They are so confident, everyone there can give a vox pop like they've just been hired by CNN.<BR/><BR/>While here the Scottish Executive runs ads asking us to be nicer to our kids. Please just let me survive my son's teenage years with a bit of my sanity in tact -that's all I ask.apprenticehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13784785172285984036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-85400988482860957752007-03-04T22:35:00.000+00:002007-03-04T22:35:00.000+00:00Hey, Nikhil There really seems more to this parent...Hey, Nikhil <BR/><BR/><I>There really seems more to this parenting business than leaving your kids with the nanny, and bickering over their love when the divorce papers are served?</I><BR/><BR/>That's pretty funny. That's how the upper classes do it in England. The rest of us find other ways of fucking them up.Ms Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-9461377267072554702007-03-04T22:26:00.000+00:002007-03-04T22:26:00.000+00:00Frightening indeed. There really seems more to thi...Frightening indeed. There really seems more to this parenting business than leaving your kids with the nanny, and bickering over their love when the divorce papers are served?<BR/><BR/>Ah well, your advice does seem to be better formed than my mind's.<BR/>Merci.<BR/>:)Nikhilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11290452953891793720noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-35414216410179023422007-03-04T22:15:00.000+00:002007-03-04T22:15:00.000+00:00Thanks, lovely Caroline! Being a parent is such a ...Thanks, lovely Caroline! Being a parent is such a nightmare sometimes, isn't it? We overburden ourselves with guilt, and can't accept anything less than perfection from ourselves, despite the fact that we know that it is absolutely impossible to achieve. I must admit, when I first read this theory (the Kohut especially) I was delighted. Not just an excuse for not being a perfect parent, but Ms Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-42700205237010979512007-03-04T21:33:00.000+00:002007-03-04T21:33:00.000+00:00Bloody hell! You're a genius!I can now remove some...Bloody hell! You're a genius!<BR/>I can now remove some of the guilt that has been layering, as I refused to over compensate in response to my own feelings of letting them down. I've read this post three times now. Your stats will see my yoyo acts. <BR/>Exposure without abuse and neglect - yes? Reality checking within boundaries and security - yes? Essentially leading to a more rounded and less Carolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04470638074202676460noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-89969757394577559132007-03-04T19:28:00.000+00:002007-03-04T19:28:00.000+00:00Hi again CJ - you know, the truth is that parents ...Hi again CJ - you know, the truth is that parents are never going to get it completely right. And more importantly, we are never going to be entirely without anxiety, self-esteem issues or internal conflict. Our existence is doomed to be an imperfect one. Oh, I really am a cheery old bugger today, aren't I? Sorry, CJ - you drop in with a perfectly reasonable comment, and I start telling you how Ms Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-71162497950911918272007-03-04T19:22:00.000+00:002007-03-04T19:22:00.000+00:00Good lord - I must be better adjusted than iI give...Good lord - I must be better adjusted than i<BR/>I give myself credit for. My parents subscribe to the feed' em, clothe 'em and love 'em at arms length school of thought. My curs-ed self esteem problems must be self-inflicted.Calamity Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07968163808700625669noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-91642133879036273172007-03-04T19:19:00.000+00:002007-03-04T19:19:00.000+00:00Er, terrified!Er, terrified!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-35314587973915771522007-03-04T19:16:00.000+00:002007-03-04T19:16:00.000+00:00Hey Charlotte, you snuck in there. That sounds lik...Hey Charlotte, you snuck in there. That sounds like a thorny problem, and makes me think of the role that personality and genetic inheritance might play? I wonder if she would be able to articulate it to you, or is she too young for that?Ms Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-12255824650810005722007-03-04T19:12:00.000+00:002007-03-04T19:12:00.000+00:00Hi Ducky, all questions welcome. I find it hard to...Hi Ducky, all questions welcome. I find it hard to reduce this stuff into a short post, so it probably comes out as a bit muddled anyway. Ideally this should be 4 times longer, but then no-one would bother reading it. Speak soon...x<BR/><BR/>Hey Daniel, I did kind of wonder! I could now pretend that either I am psychic or that it is a fabulous coincidence. The truth is that I have noticed your Ms Melancholyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03348356658378052119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37133456.post-56293360404439804362007-03-04T18:49:00.000+00:002007-03-04T18:49:00.000+00:00My sweet lord!! I'm glad I was stoned last night a...My sweet lord!! I'm glad I was stoned last night and not now, because you have just freaked me out lady. Not yet being ready to reveal myself to those whose blogs I am commenting and therefore just posting as 'dan', it seems you have beaten me to the big reveal. I'm assuming you came across "In Wild Heaven" by accident, strange happenstance or whatever or am I just quite lame using this Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com